90 seconds

A few months ago, I woke up to the sound of my husband's phone falling on the floor. Instantly, an uncontrollable wave of rage washed over me. I was furious because it meant he'd fallen asleep with his phone (a habit we all know is bad), it was too close to his body, and it's a terrible way to be woken up.

But then, a few seconds later, I fell back asleep as if nothing had happened.

This moment reminded me of something I read about the "90-second rule." The concept, learned by author Mo Gawdat from a neuroscientist, is that it takes only 90 seconds for stress and anger hormones like cortisol and adrenaline to be flushed out of our bodies.

"But then what happens is, you run the thought in your head again, and you renew your 90 seconds," Gawdat explained. "You run it again, unconsciously, and you renew your 90 seconds." While our bodies are ready to move on, our minds often trap us in an emotional loop.

I've been thinking about this more because when I remember that moment, I can still feel the anger I felt. It’s a powerful lesson in how we voluntarily relive these emotions. How often do we tell the same frustrating story to multiple people, bringing us back to that same angry state over and over again?

Similarly, when I tell a happy or a funny story multiple times, I feel lighter and happier each time. My body and mind get to voluntarily relive a good feeling. We have the power to choose which loop we enter.

So, the next time you feel that wave of frustration, try setting a timer for 90 seconds. Give your body the grace to process it, and then make a conscious choice to move forward.