three relationship tips I’m trying this week - vol 02
This is volume II of this series, anchored on the best piece of advice I found before becoming a second time parent (we knew we were having twins at this point) was an anonymous post on a parents forum:
“Don’t get divorced before the kids turn 5.”
My mom shared this article (linked here written by Kevin Thompson) that offered some relationship advice, and I wrote down this the 4 bullets on this piece of paper, which has danced around my nightstand for years. I thought I should write it down for posterity. Here are the takeaways from the article:
Deepen your respect. (Friendship is based on trust)
Take personal responsibility in the relationship
See your spouse. What are their concerns, stressors, daily schedule. Can you alleviate one stress? Ask them, what is one way I can help you today?
Discuss the bigger picture regularly. Explore dreams, bucket lists, goals, and the life you want to create together on a regular basis.
One of my relationship fears is that my partner and I would “grow apart” over time, and the fourth bullet point seemed like one way to tackle that. It seems so obvious, yet I’ve never thought to have this discussion specifically. Apparently this article was published in 2021, so years later I’m happy to report that I’m finally taking action on this.
What does this look like?
I created a 15 minute weekly calendar block on Sunday evenings for my husband to have an “Adult check in”. We quickly recap our wins and losses from the past week and then coordinate and align on the upcoming one—everything from doctor appointments to what we want to have for dinner. It helps us feel like a team, and creates a regular forum for us to have deeper conversations and raise concerns. We haven’t gotten a chance yet to talk about our goals and bucket list, but it’s our start to have discussions without kid distractions.
Us before kids (Vietnam, 2017)