there will be many things to celebrate

I don’t think I’m alone when I say I picked my wedding location before I picked my husband. So when we started wedding planning, I quickly realized the costs were astronomical. They wanted $25 per cross-back chair. If we had more than 30 guests, we’d need to charter a shuttle bus just to handle parking. And the drinks package started at $70 a head—and didn’t even include champagne. I was devastated, but it was an easy decision.

In retrospect, perhaps it was a sign that a couple should plan a celebration that represents them together, versus one partner just tagging along for the other’s dream… but that’s a whole other blog post.

So rewind to Winter 2021, (and still felt prime Covid time), and I was on the phone with my friend Brian. I met Brian in 2016 on an airplane. We were both flying from San Francisco to Chicago for work, and after chatting the whole flight, we decided to meet up back home in California. I remember Brian had this wonderful outlook on life, curious about everything, and just a wise, down to earth human. A friend and I went to Brian’s house for dinner, where we met his pregnant wife, and we have been friends ever since.

So I’m devastated planning my wedding, and Brian shared some advice I still think of often. Paraphrasing, he shared that weddings are wonderful celebrations, but there will be many, many more things to celebrate in life. Brian was right—the wedding was just day one. The real 'marathon of celebration' (and spending) was real life, and then it gets kicked into third gear when kids arrive.

As I chat about baby prep with friends in recent days, I think about this memory frequently. Understandably, most of the conversation is about baby gear, as there are a plethora of beautiful (and functional) things you can buy. I get caught up in this as well, wanting all the things the mom-fluencers tell me to get.

Fast forward three years later, and now my money is going toward toddler things, and specifically swim lessons, Spanish classes, and soccer lessons. And these sessions are year round!

I still remember being in 8th grade, and my best friend at the time told me that when we first met (in 6th grade), she didn’t think we would be friends because when she asked me what sports I played, I told her that I rode my bike. So she was surprised that we ended up being friends (I ended up playing volleyball with her). She went on to play Division 1 collegiate volleyball, but I digress.

As a parent now, that memory haunts me because it reminds me how early the social sorting begins, and how much I want my kids to feel confident standing on their own two feet. Note my friend didn’t care about what baby carrier or stroller I had. Status was in skills and hobbies.

And that's why the parental anxiety shifts. It's why my financial priorities have shifted from buying things to funding year-round swim lessons, Spanish classes, and soccer. We realize the stakes change from things, to skills.

Recently I felt guilty for buying expensive museum tickets, but then paused and realized that this is exactly what I want to put money towards. Memorable experiences for us to have together.

I recently was chatting with Gemini about the right time to get toddlers into different activities. My takeaway from the chat was a delicate balance: you don't want to over schedule them into anxiety/burnout, but early exposure builds the foundational confidence they need to try new things when the stakes feel higher later on.

I’m not anti-activity or anti-gear. I’m entirely supportive of investing in things that actively cultivate your family's core values. But I constantly need to hit pause and remind myself what actually matters in the long run. Right now, it’s not about training for Junior Olympics; it’s about building their inner confidence and resilience so they can grow into independent, caring, self-assured humans.