The best piece of advice I found before becoming a second time parent (we knew we were having twins at this point) was an anonymous post on a parents forum:

“Don’t get divorced before the kids turn 5.”

This really stuck with me, immediately setting my expectations that the next few years are going to be really hard. I’ve anecdotally have learned from a number of source that often the relationship satisfaction declines often during the early ears of parenthood, and I’ll tell you - parenting a toddler is tough. Slight tangent - Emily Oster’s blog post (worth the read) says - “… it seems useful to look at two specific things that researchers have suspected as playing a role: unequal chore allocation and less sex. In fact, there is evidence that both are important.”

The other day, while pushing the littles in their stroller, I was listening to a brilliant interview with therapist Shawn McBride (you can find it on YouTube or Spotify) on Simon Sinek's channel. Amidst the endless demands of parenting, I felt incredibly energized and motivated by our conversation. It was a powerful reminder to proactively invest in our "relationship bank," especially with everything my partner and I are currently juggling.

Here are three of Shawn McBride's ideas that really stuck with me, feeling practical enough to start implementing right now:

Make a Daily Deposit: Express Appreciation
McBride emphasizes that "people in relationships are making more withdrawals than deposits." His simple solution? Once a day, tell your partner something specific you appreciate about them. It could be as small as "Thanks for changing everyone’s diapers this morning," or "I really appreciate how you handled that toddler meltdown." It's a conscious effort to acknowledge the good, rather than just reacting to the stressful.
Couples that play together, stay together
This concept isn't new, but it hit differently listening to McBride. He highlighted that couples often stop dating after marriage, especially once kids enter the picture, and life's demands (kids, work, chores!) inevitably pull them apart. "Couples that play together, stay together" is more than just a cliché; it's a vital antidote to growing apart. My partner and I know we need to prioritize this much better – even if it's just sitting on the couch together after bedtime or an uninterrupted walk together.
Learning how to apologize, and the power of forgiveness.
Learning how to genuinely apologize and the power of forgiveness are fundamental. Saying "I'm sorry" is about accepting responsibility and showing humility. Taking it one step further and asking for "forgiveness" elevates the interaction, requiring both parties to be humble and open to repair. In the heat of tired, stressful moments, this can be incredibly challenging but equally transformative for healing rifts. I think we are pretty good at this, but we can always do better.

I often think about how much harder my parents had it, raising us without online delivery, the internet, podcasts, phones, or dedicated parental leave. This same framing should extend to marriage and partnership. My parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary this year, a testament to what they "muscled through" without the readily available therapy and relationship resources we have today.

My husband and I aspire to make it to 50+ years as well. But instead of just "muscling through," I hope our journey together feels more like a dance – a continuous learning process of investing in this precious relationship bank along the way.

I hope you'll come along and dance with me, too.

three relationship tips I’m trying this week - vol 01